Ken And Barbie Didn’t Like Your Resume Either
Your application’s next stop after HAL is Ken and Barbie, the HR flacks. Ken and Barbie take themselves very seriously as gatekeepers, and will pass only those candidates who in their judgment will be a good fit for the position. Since Ken and Barbie know screw-all about the position, and have never actually managed, run, or accomplished anything substantial themselves, they haven’t a clue of who would actually be a good fit, so getting past them is essentially random.
The HR folks have a special secret tool they use for vetting resumes. Check it out:
You’re too old, too young, black, white, brown, straight, gay, male, female, fat, thin, religious, irreligious, etc. Yes of course this is mostly illegal, but easily gotten around by nobody actually saying anything about it. Or the company may have a particular democraphic niche they’re looking to fill, and you’re not it. One of the ways you can tell this happened to you is if you’re told to be ready for two hours of interviews, and you get gonged about 15 minutes in for no apparent reason (like, for example, stabbing someone in the eye with a pencil). They took one look at you and when it was clear you weren’t who they were looking for, they decided to skip the charade.
The hiring manager isn't really looking for someone to do a job, she or he is looking for a new Best Friend Forever or someone they can "go to lunch with." You didn't share their interest in Twilight, or golf, or whatever so you're out.
You’re Too Competent
It is a well known fact (that I just made up) that some managers only hire people who are less assertive and less competent than they are. It helps them feel better about themselves, and gives them a bunch of nonassertive nudniks to boss around.
You’re Not "Qualified"
You may be the most objectively qualified person on the planet for the job, but that doesn't mean you're "Qualified." When the hiring manager has already made the decision, if you're the wrong flavor, or if you're the wrong fit it's astonishing how unqualified you are. Consider this interchange:
Interviewer: "Do you have experience with Kumquat?"
Applicant: "Yes, I have 8 years of continuous experience with Kumquat. I was a beta tester before it was first released, and now I'm using Kumquat 3.0."
Interviewer: "Aww, that's too bad, we're looking for someone with experience with Kumquat 3.1."
Clearly the interviewee wasn't "Qualified."
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